Life with a baby

This is the post where I share too much info about the struggles that come with having a newborn. For some reason I have had a much harder time with Colin then I did with the other boys. But as Dave continually tells me it doesn't matter what work with the other two because each child is different. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier though or me any less frustrated.  Breastfeeding has been much harder this time. Due to my slow recovery at the hospital my milk took extra long to come in and plus Colin was extra sleepy causing him to nurse poorly or not at all.I know most people would be grateful for a baby that slept as much as Colin did the first couple weeks of life but really it meant he wasn't getting enough to eat. So much so that he started developing jaundice and losing weight. It is normal for newborns to lose some weight after they are born but Colin lost nearly 11% of his body weight in the 3 days we were at the hospital, he almost had to stay longer because of it. for the next week we were at the doctors or the lab checking his bilirubin levels. At first his weight seemed stable, but his bili levels kept rising. Then he started losing weight again so by the end of the week his ped told me I needed to supplement his feedings with formula. And even though I didn't want to use formula I agreed to follow her advice and offer a couple oz after each feeding. She also told me to sunbath him a couple times a day to help lower the bili. At the beginning of the following week it seemed as if he was actually starting to gain his weight back. The doctor wanted him to gain 1 oz a day and he had managed to do that but when we went back for the recheck on friday he had only gained 1oz instead of the 3-4 he needed. So she was worried I still wasn't providing enough milk while breastfeeding and advised that I give just formula ever other feeding. To be honest this upset me more then it probably should have and I left in tears feeling like I had failed. I mean I had breastfeed my other babies why wasn't it working this time. So I let go of some of my pride I did as she asked. And it worked he gained over 7oz in 3 days, but because we was being offered a bottle so much breastfeeding became even harder.With in a couple days of being offered a bottle he started refusing to latch on me of course resulting in a screaming baby and a crying mom. I finally resorted to using a nipple shield which he accepted like the bottle. Unfortunately after that point he would only nurse if I used the shield and let me tell you having to use a shield to nurse is super annoying. Right now I have been trying to accept the fact that maybe things will never get better and I won't be nursing for as long as I normally do. I am still trying though and am not quite ready to give up. The other problem was that the pediatrician also didn't want me to let him go more than 3hrs between feedings including at night. Which translated into me only getting 1-2hrs a night for 3 weeks and super frustrating feedings because he wanted to be sleeping and not eating. It would almost always take me 45min to even get him awake enough to start eating. Finally about a week ago I reached what I would call my breaking point, when I fought him for hrs to get him to wakeup and eat. I ended up getting pretty much no sleep at all. I was pretty much a zombie by that point and decided that I needed to allow him and me to sleep if we were going to survive this stage. So starting that night I turned off all my alarms and just let him sleep. And everything got so much better, seriously I should have done it so much sooner. That first night he slept for 5 hours and was actually hungry when he woke up and ate better then he had any other time. And although I still worry that maybe he is not getting enough I have learned to listen to him and not so much to what the "books" say I should be doing.

Colin one week old, sun bathing per doctors orders to help with the Jaundice.

Look at those eyes, so alert and wakeful.

                                                               Colin 4 weeks old